The joy of six

June 30, 2013

Six is the smallest positive integer which is neither a square number nor a prime number.

The cells of a beehive honeycomb are six sided.

Insects have six legs.

A guitar has six strings.

And six is the number of months I have now been writing fifty words a day.


Lucky six

** in which case, I only have another six months to go.


The front room festival

June 29, 2013

“The Arctic Monkeys were amazing last night,” Dave enthused loudly on his way downstairs from the shower. “I’d rather have seen Portishead but the BBC weren’t showing them live,” I moaned. “I know, but we’ve got proper beds, and hot and cold running water.” “Yeah, I s’pose.” I wasn’t convinced.


** today is Glastonbury day two. The BBC are streaming live coverage all weekend.

This is England

June 28, 2013


“Will it rain?” I asked. “Of course, it’s Glastonbury,” retorted my daughter. “Good job I brought these then,” I announced, producing my old gardening wellies. “Mum! No-one wears plain ones,” she complained, flashing me hers. “No-one will care when they’re caked in mud,” I said smugly. And I was right.

Muddy wellies border

** Glastonbury Festival starts today.

Girls who wear glasses

June 27, 2013

My name is Dorothy Parker; poet, critic, satirist and wit. I wrote my poem, News Item, back in 1936, in the hope that one day girls who wear glasses will be deemed more attractive than they are now. Hell, maybe one day women will stop caring what men think altogether.

Glasses border

Photograph by Amanda Law (but inspired by Dolly Dolly)

** you should read the whole of News Item. It’s an absolute classic and only two lines long. Dorothy Parker’s quotes are well worth checking out too. Unfortunately my favourite isn’t repeatable here!


Back to the future

June 26, 2013

I spent years pondering the possibility of time travel, but the day I tested my theories, my world changed forever. I am now trapped in a closed timelike curve, looping through eternal wormholes between my past, my present and my future. How I wish I could turn back the clock.


Back to the future

** I’m sure you know this already, but a closed timelike curve is how theoretical physicists, such as Kip Thorne, refer to theoretical time travel.




June 25, 2013

With only 140 characters to tell her how I felt, I knew I had to get straight to the point. Something which conveyed my intentions, both beautifully and perfectly concise. I thought long and hard and in the end, settled for this:

Alright darlin’, fancy a shag? (109 characters remaining)

Twitter love

** this week’s WordPress writing challenge is about Love In The 21st Century. Seeing as I’d only just written about long distance love yesterday, I decided to use Twitter as my starting point. Apologies to my younger readers for how it ended up! More details of the challenge are here.



Long distance love

June 24, 2013

They met.

They fell in love.

But they lived 300 miles apart and faced the prospect of a long distance relationship.

Would it work? Could it work? It was worth a try.

[Fast forward 18 months…]

“Honey, I’m just going to walk the dogs.”

“Great, I’ll come too.”

It worked!


** this story is for my old friend Debbie, and my new friend Atlanta – told you I love a happy ending xx

Wanted: someone warm and genuine who loves me for who I am and doesn’t nag me all day to walk the dog. I do enjoy playing golf, but I think it’s good to have a hobby which isn’t talking on the phone for hours, watching soap operas or eating chocolate.


The classifieds

June 22, 2013

For sale: one pre-owned, good for nothing husband. Useless around the house. Never cooks, cleans or walks the dog. Leaves dirty washing on the bathroom floor. Snores loudly all night. Plays golf on Saturdays, and most Sundays too. Money back guarantee if you are not 100% disappointed. Buyer collects ASAP.


I wake suddenly, covered in sweat, confused and alone. Static fills the air. The bedroom window’s wide open, curtains thrashing violently in the storm. Where’s my wife? And then I remember, she jumped. “Please don’t be dead!” I wail. “I’m fine, I just went to get a glass of water.”

Open window